Well, hello there!

It's certainly been a while, hasn't it? I've thought about updating so much, but as usual, there are just other things that I should be doing.. Like dishes and laundry. Let me back up for a bit, and catch everyone up.

We'll go back to last August. Josh and I celebrated 6 years married by moving to Savannah, GA. Admittedly we were not excited about the move at all, but weren't given a whole lot of choice in the matter. It was either move to Georgia, or move back to Michigan... And well, we figured we'd give Savannah a shot. Best. Decision. Ever.

A month after we moved we started church searching. I started doing searches through Google & Google Maps, picked out a few, wrote them down with their service times and just picked based on their statements & reviews. So Sunday came around and I went back to the computer to make sure I had the correct address for the one we were going to visit.. And I somehow didn't notice that the church we had picked was located in Florida. So... I scrambled to find the list and find church #2. Instead I popped back on Google and just picked the first one that came up. Turns out, Relate Church was doing their 2 year anniversary service, so not only did we learn what the church was all about, but Josh was sitting in one of the random seats with a free movie ticket. Score! They were exactly what we were looking for, so needless to say, we immediately got involved and haven't looked back since.

Shortly after that, I drove up to Michigan. Mom was finally getting her port out and I wanted to be there. While I was there, I was feeling .... off. So, I got a pregnancy test and discovered that I was in fact pregnant. This was pregnancy #5 and I figured it had to be some sort of sign. Josh and I were finally living in the same state again, we found a wonderful church, and now finally, I was pregnant again. Unfortunately, it didn't last very long. This was our first experience with what they call a chemical pregnancy. It kind of depends on what doctor you see, but some consider it a miscarriage, some don't. The only difference I've found is that a lost pregnancy is considered a chemical if it was early enough that there wouldn't be a heartbeat. Many women will have these but never realize it unless they're actually TRYING to have a baby, because they'll put off the symptoms as PMS and they may just start their period a few days late. Anyway, that pregnancy ended as a chemical. It was disappointing, but not the end of the world. We hadn't really been trying, so we figured we'd give it a few months and discuss our options then, especially considering I didn't have a doctor down here yet.

Skip to November, it happened again. I couldn't believe that only two months later I was getting another positive test. I think in my head I was convinced it wasn't real, so we didn't tell anyone. A few days later it proved to be another chemical. So there went pregnancy #6.

At this point, I just wanted to get through 2013, find a doctor and figure out a plan. Because I NEED a plan. I couldn't just keep doing this "winging it" thing. I finally went to a doctor at the end of January and ended up getting an ultrasound to check on my PCOS (polycsytic ovarian syndrome). We discussed a "plan" and went from there.

At the end of February, I got another positive pregnancy test. Pregnancy #7. It was incredibly difficult to handle the anxiety that came with that test. Something in my gut wasn't sitting right, but I worked very hard on not worrying about it, praying about it and trying to find peace with it. So I went to the doctors, got some blood work done and my numbers came back very, VERY low. They thought I was having another chemical. For the next week, I was a mess. In my head, all I heard was "it's over", yet my body wasn't doing anything. If anything, I was still feeling pregnant. So I went back to the doctor the next week and found out all my numbers had gone up. I was in fact still pregnant. We were shocked, to say the least. And if there was ever a moment when you realize you really just need to blindly trust that God is in control, that was the moment.

I went back to the doctor two days later to get an ultrasound to make sure things were progressing appropriately. What I thought was going to be a wonderful, happy day quickly turned into a nightmare. It turned out the pregnancy had implanted in my fallopian tube. For those who don't remember from health class, that's not where it's supposed to implant, and it ends up putting the mother in danger due to internal bleeding that will happen if it isn't caught in time.

Needless to say, hours later, I went into surgery to have the baby & hopefully just a portion of my tube removed. Thankfully, Relate Church stepped up for us and were there immediately. They came and picked Jack up from the hospital, they arranged babysitters for the next day since I stayed over night, they brought us meals, they prayed over us.. It still makes me tear up thinking about how wonderful they were and are.

The pregnancy had progressed further than the doctor anticipated. My tube had started rupturing and I did in fact have internal bleeding. He ended up taking my entire right tube out, so I am now officially lopsided. Recovery was rough physically. My mom flew down first thing the next morning and stayed a week. My mother in law flew over for the next week. Both ended up being a tremendous help and blessing.. If anything just because our toddler can be exhausting for a healthy person, forget someone who is struggling to get out of bed.

Emotionally, I've actually been doing really well. While I was in the hospital, I had a lot of time to just meditate and read the Bible. I won't say that it's been easy, because it hasn't been, and I don't think it ever will be, but I have found peace with everything. I have my "why me?! this is so unfair!" moments, but there is something that I'm learning from this, and somehow going through all this, it's going to help someone else. I haven't figured out how yet, but I know I'll get there.

I'm not sure we'll ever have more kids. It may be because my body isn't cooperating or because we decide to not try again. The reality is, no matter how okay with this I am, the thought of possibly going through it again seems too difficult. We've got a lot that we've decided to focus on right now instead of more children. Josh's sister is getting married in a few weeks, so we've got that we're looking forward to, we're hoping to start training for the Rock N' Roll Half Marathon in November, I'm trying to figure out how to set up a support group for infertility/miscarriage/pregnancy loss, we're hoping to have the money to buy a house by September, I'm trying to get my Mary Kay business off the ground here in Savannah, Josh is trying to get more people hired down here so he doesn't have to spend multiple 12+ hour days at the hospitals, etc., etc., etc.

In the end, despite how depressing some of this undoubtedly is, we're happy right now. We've been through a lot in the last 3 years, but through it all, I know we've gotten stronger.. All these trials have brought us here, and we know we are right where we're supposed to be.

I'm going to end this now, as Jack is just waking up from a nap. I hope this finds everyone doing well. I'll try to update soon. :)